


Movin' On

by Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:58:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter/pseuds/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter
Summary: The club enlists you to help Jax get over the loss of his wife.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that you liked it! <3

I had been hanging around the club house since I was a little girl. My mother was one of the crow eaters for the Sons of Anarchy, that started when I was about 6 and she got killed in a shooting at the club house when I was 15. No one really knew what to do with me so Gemma asked if I could stay in the club house, no one minded so they gave me a room in the back, I was away from the noise and sex that inhabited the club almost all the time. I got good grades in school, and tutored Jax and Opie so that they could graduate. I helped babysit the younger kids of other crow eaters and I helped Gemma with anything that she needed. Living at the club house wasn't so bad, I was never alone and even if I was, I never felt unsafe. I knew how to fight, how to shoot, and just how far I could throw a knife and meet my target. Once I graduated high school I went to Luann and asked her for a job working at Cara Cara. Gemma wasn't happy with it but since I was 18 she couldn't tell me no. She did however make sure that I wasn't actually in the films. I set up the props and made sure everything was ready for filming for a while, then I would help Luann with the book, and by the time I was 20 I was on film and I was good at my job. I was in the girl on girl part of the industry since I was still technically a virgin. I grew up with five really over protective men and I lived in their clubhouse, I had no boyfriends that ever made it to my bedroom. When Opie married Donna I was there, When Tara left Jax I was there and I tried to help him as best as I could. Jax was actually the first man that I had been with, he didn't know that though. When he married Wendy I was a little surprised but I knew that he was just trying to get over Tara. I wasn't surprised that Jax knocked up Wendy, she was a junkie and he was not the smartest about how protected his junk was when he slept with someone. Tara had come back to Charming, Jax and Wendy were were divorced, the baby was born and it was a boy. Abel Teller and he was beautiful, he had started out with a hard life and had almost died but Tara had saved him. I knew that Jax would want to be with her again and I was right. I had to find a new job after Cara Cara was burned down and Luann died, that was hard and I felt myself unravel a little with my faith in the club, but I never doubted that they were still trying to do the best they could, even if I didn't understand it.  
  
"Y/N Can you come take Thomas and Abel? I have to get to work." Tara called into the club house.  
"Coming." I headed out of the kitchen and took Abel and the baby carrier from her.   
"Thank you." She sent me a grateful smile and I gave her one back.   
"Not a problem."   
"I can't thank you enough, you have been such a great help to me since Jax has been inside."  
"I told you Tara, I don't mind helping. I love the boys, you're my friend." She nodded and handed me the diaper bag, kissed the boys and left. After the guys went inside Gemma and Tara had a tense relationship, Gemma had asked me if I would make sure that Tara was alright and taking good care of the boys. I saw that Tara was having a hard time so I offered her my help, we became friends and even though I thought she treated Jax's affiliation with the club like a disease, she still needed help and a friend. I had ended up taking care of the boys four days a week, working as a dancer at night and sometimes I would help Gemma run TM since I was there with the boys. I had a lot of money saved up but Gemma had asked me to stay at the club house so that she could see the boys. I knew that the boys would be coming home soon and I was happy about that. I missed the guys, Juice would call me from jail, he had always been a clingy one but that was just how he is. I spent the day with Thomas and Abel, teaching Abel about his ABC's and colors, I sang to Thomas when he got fussy, we had lunch and then we went to play outside on the play set in the parking lot. Gemma and I were coloring with Abel when Tara got off work.  
"How were they today?" She asked  
"They were good! We learned some colors and letters today and Thomas was a perfect gentleman at lunch." She smiled and nodded at me.   
"Thank you again, I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded and she left with a small goodbye to Gemma.   
"They are getting so big." Gemma commented and I nodded at her.   
"That they are, Abel is so smart and Thomas is going to be crawling soon." We talked a little more about the boys and then we talked about our boys on the inside. She told me that in a week they would probably be home, we shared a grin at that.  
  
It was ten days later when Gemma called me at work I didn't have the boys today, she told me that the guys would be home today and that I had to get there to greet them.  
"I am in the middle of dancing, I'll come by and say hi after I'm done."   
"Hurry up and put your clothes on, the guys will want to say hi." She said before she hung up. I let out a laugh and went back to work. Tara texted me and told me when they arrived and I got off work three hours later. I changed into low rise jeans, a black tank top with a lace back, and some boots and headed over to the club house. I knew that I was late but it didn't matter, the party was still starting up. I walked into the club house and Gemma gave me a grin, I gave her one back as I walked over to her.   
"Took you long enough." she said and I gave her a look  
"I couldn't just leave Gem." She chuckled and then I felt arms around me and my feet were lifted off the ground. I smelled cologne and let out a laugh. "I missed you too Juice!" He set me down and I grinned and rubbed his Mohawk.   
"It is so good to see you!" I nodded and he tugged me over to say hi to the rest of the guys. I got hugs from Tig, Happy, and Bobby. Jax wasn't there, he was home with Tara and the boys. After the guys got home things became complicated, Opie got married, Jax got engaged, and the club started moving drugs for the cartel. I told Gemma that moving the guns was one thing but moving drugs was another and she agreed, it was a whole different kind of heavy. I still was looking after the boys four days a week, and working at the club, I just had more Sons around now. Jax and Opie were hanging around the clubhouse, Juice and Tig found out where I worked and they wanted to make sure I wasn't being treated bad so they came by for a few days. Tara had invited me over to see her and I was a little concerned since she never had before. She told me about Jax leaving the club and that they were taking the boys up north to Oregon where she had a great job offer.   
"That's great Tara, does the club know?" I really meant does Gemma know and she knew it.   
"No, they don't know but it doesn't matter. We're going, Jax promised me." I nodded "I wanted you to come with us. I'll need someone that I trust to help with the boys while we get settled in and I don't trust anyone more than you." I was flabbergasted and I know my face showed it.   
"Wow, uh when are you leaving?"   
"We are taking a trip to settle everything tomorrow but the move wont happen for a few weeks. Jax has to get the club out from under the cartel before we leave."   
"C-can I have some time to think on it?" She nodded and we said our goodbyes since I had to get to work. I couldn't believe it. Jax was going to leave, Tara and the boys were going to be gone, Gemma didn't know, and who was going to take over when Clay stepped down? I shook off the thoughts as I went into work, I was good at my job and made really good tips, however I was one of the few that wouldn't take the customers home. That isn't how I wanted to meet someone, My mom had always told me that if I ended up with a Son then I was set, but I didn't really see that happening, Opie wasn't my type, Jax had Tara and Juice was the only one left around my age. He was clingy and very jealous so that took him out of the running, we were just good friends and I was fine with that. I was finally done with work and heading home to get some sleep when Jax called me.   
"Y/N can you come?"   
"Come where?" He told me where and it was a hospital.  
"What happened?"   
"Someone tried to take Tara, her hand- i-its bad please just can you come?" He asked again.  
"I'm on my way." I hung up and flipped my car around. I was there within an hour even though it should have taken me two and a half. I saw Jax holding Thomas and Abel was sitting next to him. He saw me and ran over, I scooped the little boy up and Jax rushed over to greet me. "What did they say?"  
"She's trying to get transferred to Saint Thomas and its in the works, she wont let anyone touch her and she is a mess."   
"Go, go be with her I've got the boys." He nodded and gave me a hug.   
"Thank you." I nodded and he rushed down the hall. I always kept a bag of kid stuff in my car for Abel and Thomas, I had brought it in with me and we settled down to color and play while Jax was with Tara. He came out an hour later looking worse for wear.   
"Whats wrong?" I asked  
"They are moving her, she is really low, her hand- it got crushed in the door of the van as it was driving away with her, I got to her but it was to late. They can't tell her if her hand is going to be the same again Y/N." I felt my heart drop, Tara's career was everything to her, she needed to be able to save babies.   
"I'll take the boys if you want to ride with her?" He nodded and headed back to Tara. I packed up the toys and carried the boys out to my car, I couldn't help but think of Tara, how much her life was going to change.


	2. Chapter 2

Things did change after Tara had her hand smashed, she became bitter and angry, then she stepped into her role as the old lady to the president of the Sons of Anarchy. She was on a spiral but not everyone could see it. I would go by and pick up the boys even though she wasn't working and she isolated herself from the club. We found out that Clay was behind her attack, after he beat the hell out of Gemma and she left him. Tig lost his daughter, he watched her get burned alive and because of the events that followed that, a few of the Son's wound up in jail again. Chibs, Tig, Opie, and Jax. Opie died on the inside and I had to watch as another family was torn apart. Jax had gotten his revenge for that, he talked to me a lot more since Tara had gotten hurt, she was pushing him away and he had no one else that he could go to. He told me that he was trying to get the club away from guns and drugs, that he wanted to start a new business with his mothers new guy Nero, an escort service. Things get really bad for a while, Wendy gets kidnapped and then threatens to take Abel away, Jax did something terrible to her but he wouldn't tell me what, Tara gets arrested for a stunt that Otto pulled on the inside, and then there is a school shooting that is tied to the guns that the Son's run. I was in charge of the boys almost all the time now, Gemma took them when I had to work but other than that they were with me. I was at the club house on lock down with the rest of the guys when Jax started screaming at everyone to get out of the club house. I had Thomas when he snatched Abel up, gripped my hand and led Chibs and I out of the club house. The building exploded, I just stood there and watched as my home went down in flames, everything I owned was in there and I couldn't believe it. I took the boys back to his house and found a distraught Tara, she wouldn't talk to me, she just took the boys and shoved me out of the house saying that she never wanted to see anyone who called Gemma a friend again, I called Jax and told him what happened and he said that he would be home soon. I had no where else to go so I headed to Gemma's, she opened the door and took a look at me.   
"Can I crash on your couch? My room blew up." She laughed and invited me in. I saw Jax frowning and I knew that it had slipped his mind that I lived at the club house. "Where are the boys?"   
"With Tara, she took them and shoved me out the door." Jax sighed and left the house.   
"Come on I'll get you set up on the couch." I smiled at Nero and he gave me one back.   
"You look a little burnt." He said and I nodded. He offered me a shot glass and I took it, knocked it back and heaved a sigh. I got settled at Gemma's and stayed there for about a week, before hell broke loose. Gemma told me about Tara's fake pregnancy, that she is taking the boys and running, that Jax found out and they are going to talk to her right now. It all left my head reeling, Tara was wacked out of her head to do something like that, but a part of me wondered why she didn't want Gemma anywhere near her kids, what had Gemma done to her? I was surprised when Jax asked me to come pick up the boys at the ice cream shop so that him and Tara could talk. I had them for a few hours before Tara called and asked me to bring them home, that everything was fine now. I pulled up in front of the house and heard someone yelling from inside the house. I left Abel and Thomas asleep inside the car so that I could go see what was going on. I walked into the kitchen and saw a dead Tara cradled in Jax's arms and Roosevelt on the ground, dead.   
"Jax?" I asked and he looked over at me and then back at Tara.   
"She's dead. We- we were happy again, everything was going to be alright." He started to sob and the noise of it broke my heart. I hear a noise behind me and see a woman and two cops behind me. They have their guns drawn and I put my hands up. They took Jax into custody and he called out to me. "Take care of my boys!"   
"I will!" I was asked to come to the station and I agreed, I had Thomas and Abel with me in the interrogation room as I told them what I saw. Which was nothing and then the cops let me take the boys home. I stayed with Gemma for a few days, until they released Jax's house of being a crime scene. I went and cleaned up the place so that I could take the boys home, that is where they needed to be. Cleaning the blood up was awful but it had to be done and the thought of Jax having to do it made me sick. Happy showed up with some cleaning stuff and even though I didn't really talk to him, I was grateful.   
"You could've called, I know how to clean up blood." I looked at him for a minute before I nodded.   
"I really hope that I don't have to call you for that." He cracked a smile and we started to clean the kitchen. It was done about an hour later and he left me to do the rest of the house on my own after he got a phone call. I was ok with that though, I didn't mind cleaning and it took my mind off of everything. I got called to the ice cream shop a few hours later and I was worried until I walked in and saw Jax. He gave me a small smile and hugged me.   
"Hey darlin'."   
"Hey! When did you get out?"   
"About an hour ago. They had nothing to hold me on." I nodded   
"What did you need?" I asked and he gave me a sad smile.   
"The boys, Abel has school tomorrow and I was wondering if you c-"  
"I'll handle it, Happy and I cleaned up your place so if its ok we will be staying there?"  
"You cleaned the house?"  
"Happy helped in the uh the kitchen." He nodded and then looked away for a minute. "I'll make sure they get where they need to be." He nodded.   
"Do you have a phone?" I shook my head and Chibs handed me one, and a stack of cash. "I know all your stuff got destroyed."   
"I have money Jax, I don't n-"  
"Just take it!" He yelled slightly, startling me. "Just l-let me take care of you. Please."   
"O-ok, Thank you." He nodded and I took the phone and money from Chibs. He gave me a smile and a wave as I left. I headed over to Gemma's to get the boys and she was packing a bag.  
"Hey, you taking a trip?"   
"Yeah." Was all she said.  
"Where are you going?" I asked and her face broke down.  
"Look I just need to get away ok? Why do you care? Did Jax send you?"  
"Jax? No. I'm here to take the boys home, he asked me to take Abel to school in the morning." She nodded and put her bag over her shoulder.   
"Take care of them for me please?"   
"I will, but you can take care of them too, when you come back." She shook her head sadly at me as she walked towards the door.   
"I won't be coming back baby. Tell the boys that I did what I thought was best and that I am so sorry."   
"Gemma wai-" She had closed the door and ran down the driveway to her car. I was so confused on what she was talking about, she did what she thought was best? I shrugged and headed to get Abel and Thomas. "You boys ready to go home?" Abel nodded and I gave him a smile. I took them back to Jax's and fed them a late dinner, then it was time for a bath and bed. I had a little trouble getting Thomas down but after I found a song he liked it was better.  
I was making Abel his lunch for tomorrow and starting a list of things that Jax needed in his kitchen. If I was going to be taking care of the boys that meant feeding them too. I turned around and jumped when I saw Jax standing in the door way.   
"Jesus! You scared me!"   
"Sorry. You were in your head." I nodded  
"Making a grocery list, making Abel's lunch." He looked so lost.   
"He doesn't like crust." I sent him a small smile.  
"I know, I made him lunch at the club house." He didn't say anything so I continued. "Do you want to talk about it?"   
"I've killed so many people this week that didn't deserve it." He told me.  
"Why?" That didn't sound like him at all.   
"My mother killed Tara and blamed it on the Chinese. I killed most of the Chinese." He turned and walked into the living room, he sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. I followed and sat next to him.   
"What are you going to do?"  
"I don't know. I mean she is my mom. But she killed my wife." I nodded  
"You should know that she packed a bag and took a trip tonight. She wouldn't tell me where but she said to tell her boys that she is sorry and that she did what she thought was right." He looked at me and my heart broke.  
"She was wrong."


	3. Chapter 3

Jax had made a decision on how to handle what his mother did, he had made the choice to kill her. He had left for about two days and when he came back to the boys and I he was a mess. I had been summoned to the ice cream shop by Chibs and he sat me down for a talk. The club had taken a vote and they had decided that I was the best person to help Jax get over the loss of his wife. I would be kind to him and help him with the boys, but I never put up with any shit. They had voted! I told Chibs that I didn't like how they went about it and Tig had told me that it made sense. That Jax trusted me and that I had always been around so I know how the club worked. I sighed and thought about what they were saying to me, They had basically hired me to help heal a broken man. I didn't think that I was strong enough, until Jax came home. It was three in the morning and he came and woke me up. He told me about Wayne trying to protect his mother and about what he did to mother and then he asked me if I thought that he made the right decision. The question had startled me at first because I was a no one as far as the club was concerned.   
"Why would you ask me that? Isn't that a club question?" He shook his head and looked at me.  
"I'm not asking as the Club President." He was asking me as his friend.   
"Did it make a difference? Do you feel any better?"   
"It won't bring her back. I killed so many people because of a lie."   
"Then you make it right, do a bunch of good shit and even out the Karma scales."   
"Will you help me?"   
"Of course I will Jax. I'll always help you."   
"Will you stay here for a while? I'm not sure I can do the dad thing on my own yet and no one knows them better than you." I nodded and he gave me a small smile before he went to his room. I knew that he would be telling the guys what happened tomorrow and that was going to be hard to explain so I got up early and asked him if he wanted me to come to the ice cream shop after I dropped Abel off at school. He had declined and told me that this was something that he had to do on his own. I dropped Abel off and took Thomas with me to the store, he was a really calm baby and he didn't mind being in a carrier on my chest which made my life easier. I had stocked up on things that I knew the boys liked and then I got beer, and some food that I know Jax likes. I grabbed a few extra things for me because I had no shower stuff or toiletries of any kind and then Thomas and I headed back to Jax's house. I lugged all the stuff inside and then I made Thomas some lunch and put him down for a nap. Being at home with a baby all day was lonely but it was going to be ok. It was time for me to wake up Thomas so we could pick up Abel, then it was homework, dinner, and a bath before bed. I hoped that Jax would be home to tuck in his son and he was, he walked in as I was serving the boy's dinner.   
"Hey." I said to him when he walked in.  
"Hey." He kissed the boys and rubbed a hand over Abel's head.   
"How was your day?"   
"It was good, everything worked out ok." I nodded and dished him up a plate. I made spaghetti with green beans and some buttered french bread, I know that Abel loved spaghetti and the noodles were good for Thomas.   
"That's great, I'm glad for that."  
"How was everything here?"   
"It was good, we took Abel to school, where he got a gold star today." Jax smiled as Abel nodded. "And then Thomas and I went to the store before he took a nap."  
"Did you already do homework?" Abel nodded and Jax gave him a high five. I looked away from Thomas for five seconds and he threw his bowl of spaghetti on the floor with a laugh. Jax chuckled as noodles and sauce went everywhere.   
"Could you give Abel his bath while I clean this up?" I asked Jax and he nodded at me and tucked the giggling boy under his arm. I looked at Thomas and gave his side a tickle. "Just had to throw that huh?" The baby giggled and I smiled as I got to work cleaning the kitchen.  
After the kids were sleeping I made myself a cup of tea and went outside to sit on the porch. It was a nice night and I didn't want to be cooped up inside anymore. I turned as the door opened and Jax came out with the baby monitor. He took my hand in his and sat next to me, neither of us spoke and it wasn't romantic, it was two friends enjoying the fact that they lived through the day.  
  
That became our routine, it had been six months now and Jax would eat breakfast with us and then leave for work, I would take Abel to school, Thomas and I would either play at the park, shop, or play at home until nap time, then we would go pick up Abel, do homework and Jax would be home for dinner, baths and bed. He would leave after the kids were asleep most of the time but he was there when it mattered and I had to give him credit for that. He had told me that Juice had been killed in prison and I had wept. Juice was a mess and he was sensitive but he didn't deserve to die and definitely not like he had. Jax had held me while I cried until I pulled away from him, I didn't want to lean on him when he was the one leaning on me. I grieved and cried myself to sleep that night, thinking of my poor friend and how much I would miss him. We never brought up Juice again because a part of me knew that Jax had made it happen and I didn't want him to have to tell me why. Life had to move on though and so it did. It was a Saturday and I had taken the boys to the park. I was pushing them on the swings when a man came up to me, he was there with his daughter, I'd seen him there before but we never spoke. He used to come with his wife and they would fight while their daughter played but now he came alone and looked lonely.  
"Hello." He said  
"Uh hi." I replied.   
"I've seen you here before."   
"Yeah, they like this park." I motioned to the boys and Abel was watching the man.   
"My daughter does too, she is around your oldest's age."  
"Oh, these aren't my boys. I uh I'm just the baby sitter." I told him and he nodded.   
"The way you behave with them, I thought you were their-"  
"Daddy!" Abel shrieked and he bolted off the swing. I whipped around to see Jax bend over to scoop him up.  
"Hey little man." He walked over to me and I saw the guy back up a step.   
"Hey Jax, what are you doing here?"  
"I saw you guys playing and I wanted to join in." He looked at the father. "Whose your friend?"  
"Oh this is-" I broke off and looked at him, I never caught his name.  
"Brad." He supplied and I nodded.   
"We were talking about the kids." I told Jax and he nodded.   
"Nice meeting you, we should go." Jax told Brad and he walked off with Abel. I shook my head, scooped up Thomas and gave the guy a small smile.   
"See you around." I told him as I walked away.  
"What was that?" Jax asked as he bucked Abel into his car seat.  
"What was what?" I asked as I buckled Thomas into his seat.  
"You were flirting with that guy." I laughed and shook my head.   
"I was not, I was making polite conversation because he is a newly single dad."   
"What?"  
"His wife used to come with him and now he is minus a wife and wedding ring. I felt bad."   
"Oh."   
"Yeah, can we go now? It's almost time for lunch." He nodded and we headed home. He was nuts, that guy wasn't even my type.  
  
The rebuild on the club house was finally done and they had moved head quarters back to TM but they kept the ice cream shop open as a legit business and it was actually doing really well. Jax had never brought up me moving out and I never had either but maybe it was time to, what if he wanted to bring someone home and I was in the way? I had a whole speech in my head on how to bring it up but I was a chicken, until I blurted it out after dinner.   
"Do you want me to move out?" Jax looked startled.  
"What?"  
"I mean, am I in the way here? I don't want to over stay my welcome." I told him and he shook his head.   
"No, you're not in the way, do you feel like you are?" I shook my head.   
"I just don't want you to bring someone back here and me be in the way or anything."   
"Oh. Uh no, I wouldn't bring anyone back here, until I really liked them and wanted to introduce them to the kids." For some reason my heart dropped but I nodded.   
"Ok, just making sure." He nodded and we both went our separate ways.  
About two weeks later I had caught a terrible cold, Abel had it first and he gave it to me and Thomas, They bounced back fast but if I got sick I went down hard. Jax had taken care of me when I was sick and it meant a lot to me that he was there if I needed him, I also felt guilty because I was supposed to be taking care of him and the boys. I got well after a few days but Jax was still close to me, he would touch my hair or put his arm around me when we were around the guys. I never thought much of it until Chibs brought it up to me.   
"You two look cozy."   
"What?"  
"He's always touchin' you and he talks about you sometimes."   
"Yeah, we're friends Chibs, that's all."   
"Are you sure about that lass? I think you might need to pay more attention." I shrugged it off though, Chibs was just messing with me. I was invited to the club party that the guys were throwing, Layla had offered to watch the boys for Jax and he had asked if I would go with him. It would be nice to hang out with the guys again so I had agreed. There were a lot of different charters there and it was nice to see some of the people that I grew up around now that I was all grown up. I was talking with Rico, a man from the SAMTAZ charter, we had known each other when my mom was alive and I had seen him a few times over the years. He was flirting and while I wasn't picking it up, it wasn't bothering me either. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and I looked at Jax with a smile.   
"Hey." I said  
"Hey. Hi Rico."   
"Jax, how are you?" Rico asked while he stared at the arm on my shoulder.   
"Doing good, you?"  
"Yeah good good." This was getting awkward. "Uh I'll catch you later Y/N."  
"See ya Rico." Jax led me over to the bar and we took a few shots before watching Happy and Chibs play pool, there were a lot of shots that night and that was a mistake. I remember telling Jax that he had been the one who took my virginity, and that he was my first crush, then I remember him kissing me and the next thing I know I wake up with a pounding headache in bed with a naked Jax. I looked around and we were at the club house, and I felt sore all over. _Oh my god! I fucked Jax!_


	4. Chapter 4

It's hard to avoid someone when you live with them and take care of their children, but I gave it a valiant effort. It worked too for a few days, until Jax had had enough.   
"Ok, stop." He said and I looked up from Thomas's food and looked at him.  
"What?" He gave me a hard look.  
"You know what."  
"I really don't now if you don't mind, I have to give this one a bath."   
"I do mind. We need to talk." I sighed and shook my head.   
"No we don't."  
"So we will talk after his bath." Jax told me and then he took Thomas and left me alone with Abel. I was cleaning until I felt his eyes on me so I looked at him and he gave me a look.   
"What?"   
"Daddy mad at you."   
"No, Your dads not mad at me."  
"Are you gonna leave too? Like mama did?" I felt my heart throb so I walked up to him and knelt down so that I was eye level.  
"No baby, I'll always be around for you. I promise." He nodded and gave me a hug. Jax came back in with and Abel pulled away from me. "Go get changed for bed ok?" He nodded and went to his room. I looked at Jax and he was giving me a hard stare. "You wanted to talk so talk."   
"Why did you just take off like that? Why are you avoiding me?"   
"I'm not avoiding you and I had to get the kids from Layla."  
"Bull shit, I have hardly seen you this week and we live together."   
"What do you want me to say Jax?"  
"The truth!" He raised his voice to a yell and stepped closer to me. I put a hand on my hip and looked up at him.   
"Fine. I didn't know what to think and I wigged out a little bit after I woke up next to you."  
"Why?"  
"Because! What am I supposed to do with that Jax? Pretending like it didn't happen made it easier I thought. It was better than having you ask me to."  
"What makes you think I would ask you to do that?"  
"Because it can't mean anything."  
"Oh. I see."  
"What?"  
"Nothing. I get it now."   
"Get what Jax?"  
"You are the only person I've been with since Tara died, I wanted to be with you Y/N I wasn't just playing with you. I'm not that guy anymore."  
"No Jax, I don't think you are."  
"Then why can't it mean anything?"   
"I don't know. I know you still love Tara and I don't want to step on her memory."   
"Look, I am starting to feel for you. I always have felt something for you but this is deeper and while having drunk sex wasn't part of the plan, I don't regret it."   
"I don't want to mess up what we have here, Abel asked me if I was going t leave like his mama did and I promised him that I would always be here for him. I love all of you, you're my family and I don't want to screw that up Jax."  
"Lets just take it slow ok? Do you have feelings for me or is it just me that's feeling something?" I took a deep breath.   
"It's not just you."   
"That's good, uh that's a good first step." I nodded and looked up as Abel came back, dressed in his pajamas.  
"Can you read to me daddy?" He asked Jax and we both smiled.   
"Yeah, I'll be right there bud go pick out a book alright?" Abel nodded and went to his room. Jax turned to me and gave me a smile. "No more avoiding me ok?" I nodded and he gave me a nod before he went to read to Abel.  
  
It had been about a month since Jax and I talked about our feelings, things were developing but slowly and I was ok with that. Jax and I had plans to go out to dinner tonight and since it was summer break and I had decided to take the boys by to see their dad at TM before we headed back home from Abel's doctor appointment. I didn't see him in the garage so I headed into the club house, Chibs and Tig were at the bar and they grinned when they saw me.   
"Hey lass, what kind of trouble are you getting in today?"   
"Just bringing the boys by to see their dad. Abel had a doctors appointment and we wanted to check in." Chibs and Chuckie exchanged a look and I tilted my head at him. "Whats wrong?"   
"Jax is a little busy right now, he's got a-" There was foot steps and then I looked towards the hallway that lead to the dorms. Jax had an older blonde woman wrapped around him and they were kissing, a lot. I felt a part of my heart break, but then I remembered, we weren't anything. I wasn't anything to him and that it was better this way. Nothing would get confusing for Abel and Thomas because I would always just be the baby sitter.   
"Oh." I said  
"Daddy!" Abel called out and wiggled at Tig to be set down. Abel ran over as Jax pushed the woman away from him.  
"Hey buddy, what are you doing here?"   
"Got a shot, came to see you." They walked over and the woman followed.   
"We came by to say hi, his appointment went well and he is healthy." I said in a neutral tone.   
"Oh, these are your boys?" The woman asked and Jax nodded. "Are you his wife?" She asked me and I shook my head.   
"Oh, no. I'm just the baby sitter." I saw Jax cringe and Chibs and Chuckie let out a small noise. "Well, You guys are busy, so we'll get out of your hair." I took Thomas from Chibs and held my arm out for Abel.   
"I'll walk you out." Jax said and I just shook my head.  
"I got it. I'll see ya later." I looked at him and he handed me Abel. I got them all buckled in and I turned and bumped into Chibs. "Whoa."  
"Hey, look lass, it's not-"  
"It doesn't matter Chibs, we aren't together. I am upset. It's better this way, now I know where I stand." He frowned at me but I just walked past him and got in my car. I took the boys home and we ate some lunch, Thomas took a nap and I played with Abel, then it was time to start dinner. Jax came home at his normal time and we all ate dinner together. "Are you going to be home tonight?" I asked Jax and he nodded at me. "Great, can you watch the boys?"   
"Are you going somewhere?"   
"Yeah, I am going out." I told him as I cleared the table. He gripped my wrist before I could turn away.   
"Out?" I nodded and jerked my arm away from him.   
"Abel needs you to give him bath, I'm going to clean this up and then I'm going out." I turned my back on him, and started to clean. Jax got up from the table and stomped down the hall. I wasn't being mean to him, I don't know why I felt guilty. I just wanted to get a drink, alone, and maybe to wallow. I finished the clean up, changed my clothes and kissed Abel goodnight before I left. I headed to a bar down town and sat at the bar, I didn't need a booth or a table. I ordered a shot of whiskey and then a second, I felt someone sit next to me and I scoffed when I looked at Chibs.  
"What are you doing here?"   
"Jax called me, told me you were going out and he wanted me to keep an eye on ya."   
"I don't need a sitter Chibs."  
"I know ya don't but I wanted to talk to ya." I sighed and ordered a water.   
"Then talk."  
"What you saw, Jax just needed to-"  
"That isn't my business Chibs!"  
"He loves you!"  
"Bull shit! If he did then he would have been fucking me and not her."   
"That's what I'm saying. He loves you and is giving you time to love him back!"   
"I've been in love with Jax for years but I kept it to myself because he had Tara, then Wendy, then Tara again and then she died terribly. I have been by his side in the only way that I could be, I was his friend and I took care of his kids and I have never minded that, but now, I might have had a shot with him and it hurt to see him with her."   
"Why didn't you tell him?"  
"Tell him what? That I am a pathetic girl that never had a shot so I settled into the role of nanny?" I shook my head and he gripped my wrist.  
"I think you need to talk to him lass."  
"I think I need to get my head right. Thanks for coming to check on me Chibs."   
"Anytime Lass. Are you going home now?"   
"Yeah, soon." I told him and he nodded as he left. I took a little while to gather my thoughts and get my head straight before I went home. I knew that Jax would be asleep so I was quiet when I got in. I hung up my bag and went to change, then I jumped when I saw Jax sitting on the couch. "What the hell?" I hissed at him.  
"I could ask you the same thing."   
"I went out for a drink, but Chibs already told you that."  
"He told me a lot of things." I sighed and set down my bag.   
"Like what?"   
"That you love me too." I looked away from him and crossed my arms over my chest.   
"Just forget about it Jax I have." I lied through my teeth, feeling my heart break. I hoped that he would believe me and just leave it, but of course that was to easy.   
"Forget it? How can I forget it F/N you told Chibs that you-"  
"Jax! Enough. It's not your business I was drinking and talking to a friend!" I felt myself getting mortified and I knew that he saw it. I turned away from him, snatched up my bag and headed towards the door, until he snagged my arm and whirled me around. "What-" His lips slammed down on mine and he put his hands on my hips to tug me closer to him.  
"I can't forget you. I don't want to."  
"Go be with the blonde Jax. She is who you want. Not me." I told him coldly, I tried to back away from him but he held me tight.  
"You have no idea what I want."  
"You're right, for the hell of it maybe you can tell me?"   
"I want you, you're stable and kind and you love my kids, and I hope that you love me because I fucking love you and I'm so sorry that I hurt you." He was looking at me with such intensity that I couldn't look away from him. "I do love you. I have for years but the timing was never right Jax and I don't know how to do this now. Tara was-"  
"I loved Tara, You know that and you loved her too, but I am allowed to be happy again and you make me happy. I want to be with you so what do you say? Will you give me a shot?"  
"Yeah, I'll give you a shot Jax." He grinned at me and hugged me to him. "If you cheat on my Jax I swear to god I'll kill you." I felt him chuckle   
"Deal."


	5. Chapter 5

One Year Later  
  
"Abel! We have to go!" I called out to him and he came running across the play ground. I was taking the boys to see Jax at TM and we had some exciting news for him. I had been with Jax for a year now, I was his old lady and I had the crow on my wrist to prove it. I walked into TM with Thomas and Abel holding my hands, they saw their dad and took off running to him.   
"Dad! Mom had buns in the oven! Can I have one?" Abel asked and I started to laugh. Jax looked up at me and I put a hand on my belly. He walked over to me with wide eyes. Thomas ran over to see Happy and Abel.   
"Really?" I nodded   
"Yeah, really. I went to the doctor this morning." I pulled the ultra sound out of my pocket and he let out a yell and pulled me into a hug.   
"What's all the commotion?" Chibs asked and Jax handed him the ultra sound picture. He grinned and gave us a hug.   
"Congrats you two. Maybe we will get a little princess this time." I nodded and sent him a smile.   
"I don't care as long as it's healthy." I said and Jax nodded. Thomas came up to me and he tugged on my pant leg.   
"Mama." I looked at him and smiled   
"Hi baby." I picked him up and gave him a kiss.  
"Hungry." He said   
"Ok, you want to get some lunch?" He nodded and I looked at Jax. "You want to come with us? Get something to eat?"  
"Yeah let me wash my hands." I nodded. We went to the diner down the street and grabbed some lunch. I dropped Jax off at TM and the boys and I headed home. Abel had school tomorrow so I put together his lunch and got his stuff ready for in the morning, then we played while Thomas napped. Jax came home early but something was wrong, I could tell.   
"What's wrong?" I asked him after the boys were asleep.  
"We have to go on lock down for a while." I frowned it had been months since there was anything wrong with the club.   
"Why?"   
"I got these today." He pulled some pictures out of his pocket, they were of me and the boys but my face was x'd out on each of them. One had 'Your Whore Will Burn.' Written on it in red marker, there were some flames drawn on the bottom.  
"That's a nice thing to say." I muttered and handed them back to him. "I'm not going on lock down Jax."  
"Someone is watching you. You're coming to TM where the guys can look out for you."  
"The same clubhouse the blew up a few years ago? No way." I shook my head and put a hand on my belly.  
"Alright, fair point but someone is coming here then, all the time. You're never alone."  
"Ok. That's fine." I sighed and went to get something to drink.   
"It's going to be ok darlin'." Jax came and put his arms around me.   
"I know. I love you."  
"I love you too baby."  
  
I had been on lock down for weeks, no new photos had come, no phone calls, nothing weird was happening and I was spending way to much time around the guys.   
"Jax. This is getting ridiculous."   
"I know. I'm sorry but I am just-"  
"Trying to keep me safe I know but two guys is a little excessive for the grocery store."   
"Ok, fine one guy only, I'm trying my best here babe."  
"I know and I love you for it but nothing has happened in weeks."   
"I love you too babe. I gotta go."  
"Ok. I'll talk to you later."  
"Bye." He hung up and I went out to the living room to play with the boys. I watched as Rane got a phone call and told Rat to beat it. Rat gave me a small wave as he left and Rane was just looking at me.  
"What?"  
"You know that if anything happens to you Jax will kill us right?"   
"Nothing has happened to me. Ever. And you two hanging around makes me twitchy. I can handle one of you but two is a bit much."   
"I saw what losing Tara did to him F/N. He would lose his mind if he lost you." I frowned and shook my head.   
"I just want to feel like things are normal."  
"They aren't though! You got a death threat! Someone knows who you are and what you mean to us."   
"Look I'm pregnant and hormonal, just let me have a little bit of freedom ok?" I felt my eyes water and Rane looked panicked.   
"No, no c'mon don't cry. I'm sorry." He told me as he patted my back. I nodded and shrugged him off.   
"I'm fine. I just hate all this." He nodded at me and I went to go check on Thomas, Abel was in school and I knew that I had to go get him soon. Rane went with me to get Abel and then we went to TM. I watched as Thomas and Abel ran across to the play ground and I followed behind them at a slower pace, god I was tired today. I heard a loud pop and then I felt a flash of heat in my shoulder.   
"Y/N!" I heard as I fell to the ground. I saw Rane above me and I yelled at him.  
"Get the boys inside!" He looked at me and then the boys before he nodded and ran over to get them. Jax was there in an instant and he scooped me off the ground as the next few shots went off. Tig and Chibs returned fire and covered Jax as he carried me inside. Thomas and Abel were screaming as Rane brought them inside, I reached out for them but winced when I moved my injured arm.  
"Are you hit anywhere else?" Chibs asked and I shook my head. "It went through, the bone is fine, its just a hole. I'll patch you up here if you want." I nodded and looked up at Jax. He was looking at me like I was going to fade away so I reached out and took his hand.  
"Jax I'm ok. It's just a flesh wound baby." He nodded and gripped my hand. Chibs had me patched up within minutes and I looked up as Tig came back inside. He whispered to Jax and then left. "What's going on?"  
"I got something to handle." He muttered and I just frowned at him.  
"You don't get to do that. I might not be your wife Jax but you can't shut me out."  
"It's club business." He said in a cold tone and I just scoffed and got out of the chair I was sitting in. "Where are you going?"  
"That's not club business." I muttered and walked back towards the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and wiped the blood off my skin as best as I could, the shirt was ruined but it didn't really matter. I headed back out to the bar and ignored Jax he was talking to Rane and Tig so I walked over to Chibs and the boys. "I wanna lie down, will you watch the boys for me?" He nodded and looked at me suspiciously. I headed back to the dorms but took a left and went out the back exit. He wanted to act like an asshole, well then I was going to leave, I didn't have to put up with that. I got in my car and drove towards home, I just wanted to be alone, I was just shot for fucks sake and he couldn't even be nice to me. I felt tears falling down my face as I pulled into the drive way, I slammed out of the car and trudged up the walk way. I changed into a pair of shorts and one of Jax's shirts before I climbed into be for a nap. I don't know how long I was asleep but the sound of my phone ringing woke me up, the room was hazy and I felt like I had a sore throat.   
"Hello?"  
"Where are you?" Jax asked in a panic.  
"I went home because you were acting like a dick." I muttered  
"Get out of the house."  
"What?"  
"Now, just do it!" He yelled at me and I opened my eyes all the way, there was smoke coming from under the door.  
"Jax, I think the house is on fire! There's smoke coming in." I started to cough and I went to open the window but it was stuck. "Th-the window wont open."   
"Break the window, I'm almost there!" He yelled and then the line went dead. I went and grabbed the gun that Jax kept in his night stand and I used it to break the window. I was having a hard time breathing and I felt a little faint as I climbed through the window, my shoulder protested the movement but I did it anyway. I stumbled into the yard and sat down looking up at the house. It was a huge ball of flames, I heard steps coming behind me and I aimed the gun at the person. Jax held up his hands and I dropped the gun as I started to cry. He scooped me up and held me against him. "What were you thinking?" He asked me in a ravaged voice.   
"I was mad at you, I wasn't thinking." I told him and he let out a rough laugh. He cupped the back of my head and sat down on the grass.  
"Don't ever do that to me again." He said and I nodded. A fire truck pulled up to the house followed by an ambulance. They checked me out and said that I was fine, the baby was fine, just a little smoke inhalation but I was lucky.  
  
We were at the clubhouse with the boys and I looked at Jax "Did we find out who did this?" He nodded  
"The Irish have been trying to get us back in business and they thought that if they went after you I would want more guns to protect you." I scoffed and shook my head. Jax had worked hard to get the club out of guns and he wasn't going back to that now.  
"What are we gonna do? That was our house. Everything is gone." He shook his head at me.  
"We do what we do best, we rebuild. I have everything I need right here, you are all safe and that is what matters." I looked at the boys and at him and I nodded as I ran my hand down Thomas's head. He was right, my family was safe and that is what mattered.


End file.
